Ever catch yourself reaching for the snack, the scroll, or the snooze button and think:
“Why am I doing this again?”
Whether you’re trying to break a habit that feels like a pseudo-addiction—or you’re just noticing a pattern that no longer serves who you’re becoming—it’s hard to kick things we’ve repeated, relied on, or used to cope.
And just so we’re clear: I’m not a therapist. If something feels deeper than what you can handle alone, please talk to one. You deserve support.
But if you’re ready to upgrade your habits, here are 5 practical and powerful tools I’ve used (and still use) to break free from behavior loops that keep us stuck.
1. Use the “Black Sun” Tool (from Coming Alive)
This one is weird…but wildly effective.
The “Black Sun” is a visualization tool created by Barry Michels and Phil Stutz (the same duo from The Tools and Coming Alive). It helps you sit with the part of you that is dark, shame-ridden, addicted, or stuck—without letting it run the show.
Here’s the short version:
- Close your eyes.
- Imagine your worst behavior or self-destructive pattern.
- Now imagine it as a black sun—a magnetic, spinning ball of darkness.
- Let yourself feel how much it draws you in.
- Now, lean into it. Not to become it, but to face it.
- You’ll often feel something release—or shift—just by acknowledging it without flinching.
It’s not a “fix,” but it helps you stop pretending your dark habits aren’t there. You can’t heal what you won’t face. For more info on this tool, see here. To have Barry Michaels walk you through the use of the tool fully, see here (I highly recommend you do this, btw).
2. Apply “Atomic Habits” Tricks
James Clear made habit-change sexy. And for good reason.
Here are a few of my favorite Atomic Habits rules:
- Make bad habits hard to do. Put your phone in another room. Delete apps. Unplug the Xbox. (Yes, really.)
- Make good habits easier. Lay your clothes out. Pre-chop your veggies. Pack your gym bag the night before.
- Stack your habits. Want to stretch more? Do it right after brushing your teeth.
- Reward the process, not just the outcome. Celebrate the reps, not just the results.
Don’t rely on motivation—build a system that nudges you in the direction you want to go. Learn more about Clear’s take on bad habits here.
3. Understand Your Cues, Cravings, and Coping
Habits don’t happen in isolation. They’re usually part of a bigger pattern:
Cue → Craving → Response → Reward.
Here’s how to disrupt the cycle:
- Identify the cue. Are you bored? Lonely? Overwhelmed? Is it always after work?
- Interrupt the loop. Take a pause. Breathe. Move your body. Phone a friend. Inject a new response or routine that satisfies the same craving.
- Offer a better reward. If you’re craving connection, scrolling social media might feel close—but it rarely satisfies. Try a walk with a podcast or a quick text to someone you actually love.
Sometimes we’re not addicted to the thing—we’re addicted to how the thing makes us feel.
4. Make a Plan for Your “Future You” (Even When You Don’t Trust Them Yet)
This one sounds silly, but hear me out.
If you were building a life for someone you love (your kid, your partner, your best friend), would you fill it with snooze buttons, junk food, and self-loathing?
No?
Then stop building that for you.
Start imagining that your future self is real, and that they’re counting on you today to make things a little easier.
- Write a note to them.
- Pack a lunch for them.
- Leave them a water bottle or a reminder to go to bed.
This tiny mindset shift can help you delay gratification and resist impulses in the moment—because now it’s not about willpower, it’s about being a good friend to yourself.
5. Change Your Environment, Not Just Your Mind
Willpower is overrated. Environment is underrated.
Want to break a screen addiction? Don’t just “try harder.” Set app timers. Lock your phone away at 9pm. Use grayscale mode. Remove temptation.
Trying to stop late-night snacking? Don’t keep it in the house. Or leave a sticky note inside the pantry that says, “You’re not actually hungry—just bored.”
Want to stop skipping workouts? Put your shoes by the door. Set a calendar reminder. Sign up for something you can’t cancel without telling another human being (shoutout CrossFit).
Your environment is always shaping you. Set it up to support the person you’re becoming.
Final Thought: Don’t Fight Alone
Here’s the truth: most of us try to wrestle our habits alone. We hide the worst parts of ourselves and hope they’ll go away.
But transformation is less about perfection and more about connection.
Get support. Tell someone. Build a better system. And when you stumble, don’t start over—just start again.
You’re not broken. You’re just human. And being human means we get to keep trying.